Have you guys come across any Asian Americans (or any race for that matter) who had a similar mentality as Moon Orchid, especially her notion that young people should be modest. I found it surprising that Moon Orchid was annoyed that her nieces and nephews responded with "thank you" rather than something like "oh no, but I'm so ugly" etc, etc.
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I’m pretty sure all the elders in my family have the notion that young people should be modest. But I think modesty is a good attribute in the Chinese culture and it applies to everyone, not just young people.
Personally, at home I was raised to respond to a compliment by denying it. But I find that when I’m not at home and someone who doesn’t have the same type of behavior in their culture compliments me, I don’t know what to do. My initial reaction is to be modest and deny their compliment, but I’m afraid that they’ll receive my response negatively and think I’m not appreciative of their compliment. So then I think that I should reply with a “Thank you,” but then worry that they’ll perceive me as vain. And by the time all of that has gone through my head, enough time has passed that they expect me to respond in some way and I’m so confused and flustered I end up just nodding and smiling. Kind of lame, right?
I guess this is just an example of the types of issues people raised with more than one culture have to go through and that the ultimate question is how is someone supposed to mix their cultures together to form one identity and be accepted by both? And that just leads right back to the issues and struggles to come to terms with identity that are all over the material we’ve been reading talking about in class. So has anyone else had any experiences similar to mine or know what I’m even talking about?
I have pretty much the same reaction as you do, carol, whenever I get complimented by someone not in my 'inner circle' of family or friends. It could be cultural in origin - but then again, in my family I am encouraged to say "thank you" when receiving a compliment, and this notion that downplaying praise is the nature of Asians does seem to spawn from books I've read and shows I've watched. The Japanese language itself is very humble in nature in comparison to the English language. There are a lot more humble expressions and conjugations that are meant to show respect, and even phrases used daily can be literally translated in such ways to shift attention (and praise) away from the receiving individual. In high school, I was taught that the proper response to "genki desuka?" (How are you, or Are you healthy?) was "Hai, Okagesamade, genkidesu" (Yes, thanks to you, I am healthy). I also recall my teacher discussing phrases which are said in response to praise, the literal translation of such essentially boiling down to something like "it's because of you/my family that I am able to do so much." Or at least, that's how I think it went...
Personally, my shy and jumbled responses may be to some ingrained sense of modesty rooted in my cultural identity, or it may be because I would be perfectly fine forever on the fringes of the spotlight.
As for the difficulties that arise from cultural mixing/interacting with peoples of the same or different cultures, I do recognize that I respond differently to people of Asian descent in comparison with people of other races. The other day, I asked my Asian friend candidly "What are you?" I realized after the words had left my mouth how that phrase could be offensive and misconstrued, but I actually just wanted to know what generation he was. Oddly enough, I don't think I've ever asked a non-Asian what generation they were - I suppose what mass media and personal experience has told me is that only Asians seem to have this "identity crisis" or are the ones that carry the most cultural baggage, or are the ones who assimilate drastically; that by knowing the generation since migration, I can have a greater understanding of that person's background and actions. My conclusion: I'm totally wrong. Just as we have to take into account when we analyze each story that we cannot apply the themes to the larger conglomerate and define Asian America as only those themes, I must learn to react with people on an individual basis and not make assumptions based one what little knowledge I have.
It’s interesting reading this, because I grew up in the complete opposite scenario. I was a very modest child, to the extent that my mother was worried about my confidence. I would naturally disagree with any compliment, and as I grew older I’d sometimes just act really cocky and say something like “Oh, I know” to make it obvious that I see the compliment as a joke. But, as a child my mother would actually make me stand on our fireplace and say “I am woman, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am amazing, etc...” I think this may have been partly because I am female and my mother is a strong feminist. So I was wondering if the idea to be modest and disagree with compliments was divided by sex and focused more on women instead of both sexes in the Chinese culture.
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