Silence

I wrote this in reference to the story “A Song for a Barbarian Reed Pipe” in Woman Warrior, when Maxine is talking about the silent girl.


The hate steams off the page
I feel intimidated by this child—
worlds away, in another time, another place,
in another’s imagination.

Yet her words and her disgust resonate
I’m transported to that room.
Scared and silent
Staring into those hateful eyes.
Staring into those frightened eyes.

Every poke. Every pinch. Every scream.
I feel the frustration.
I feel the fear.
I am, simultaneously, both girls.

Quieter by nature
I find comfort in quiet
listening
observing
Oftentimes perfectly content to sit on the sidelines.

The internal bullying continues.
My brain screams at my mouth to move,
Screams at my voice to speak up, say something.
Anything.
The pressure builds in my head,
Forcing any intelligible thought out,
To ease the pain. To ease the pressure.

There’s nothing left to say.
No thoughts.
No theories.
Just frustrating silence.